Haven't posted in a week - but, better late than never!
Someone told me yesterday " You are a real deep person. You just got these fences up kind of hard to get around some times."
Interesting comment eh, true I would say.
My gut response was "I prefer to listen and help others rather than talk about myself".
But, then I thought a bit more and maybe there could be some self-confidence issue there too.
That may be a bit of it. But also, at this point in my life, I just don't have anything to complain about and that is what people want when they ask that question isn't it? What can I say when someone asks "what is going on in your life" other than "oh, not much, just getting to know myself" or "working on me". Then they invariably want to know more about what I am doing to "get to know myself" and you know what, I just don't feel the need to go into it.
On that note, I have determined that I need to come up with a line to answer these questions.
How about "Just enjoying life" or "Living" or maybe "Being"?
I was listening to Wayne Dyer speech "A spiritual solution to every problem" on the way home last night (after contemplating this) and he said "the minute you go into it and explain it, your ego is involved and you loose IT". Maybe that explains a bit of why I don't want to go into my journey.
It is precisely that MY journey, it is what it is, it doesn't need explaining.
It isn't even some huge change, it is just me, choosing to be open to and follow the path that is laid before me.
I think I like "I am being me", that one appeals to me, but might it elicit a lot of questions?
Who knows, maybe I will give it a try and see.
Friday, July 29, 2005
Thursday, July 21, 2005
The sun will come out, tomorrow...and it did!
So yesterday ended up being, well a bit disappointing. Not the day, but more of people not living up to their commitments which in turn was not living up to my expectations.
But, I guess people don't have to live up to my expectations - we all only have to live up to our own expectations.
So then the key is getting those expectations in line.
I have been working on that myself, one of my expectations of myself that I am working on is:
To be honest with others at all times, even if a "little white lie" would be easier - because each time I tell a harmless white lie it steals a little piece of my integrity. I wouldn't say this has been a serious problem in my past, nothing more than the next person. Just a little exageration of how busy I have been when I don't get back to someone (which results in a over explanation) or saying that I "didn't receive the bill" when in fact I did, but lost it (back in my disorganized days). Those things aren't necessarily changing the course of the world but they do take a little piece of my peace so I say NO MORE.
I have been working on this for a few months now, when I see myself starting to go down that path I stop, turn around and tell it like it really is "I didn't make it to the post office for the past 3 weeks, but I will send your package tomorrow" or "I can't find the bill you sent, can you please send me another" or "I apologize for not getting back to you" - no over explanations.
Positives - I have an very nice sense of peace when I make the choice to tell the truth and not over explain, no matter how it reflects on me. The simplicity of it all just feels so light.
Drawbacks - Yes, I have seen a drawback to this practice and it is that I am becoming less tolorent of others making dishonest excuses. Yesterday I got annoyed with my house painter who didn't show up (and apparently wanted to not show up today either) when he tried to tell me it was because there was rain in the forecast both yesterday and today - at the exact moment I was looking at the forcast which shows full sun straight through to Sunday. Once I called him out on that, he came clean that the issue is that he has another client who is angry and wants them to get started so he has been over there this week. Had he just been honest in the first place I would have - well, I think I would have said fine, I understand, come on Friday. But when he started out trying to tell me something that was obviously untrue it was an insult to me and made me question his sincerity in other matters and therefore insist that he make progress today.
What I learn from the drawback - Well, if it annoyed me when the painter did it to me, I am happy not to be doing it to others!
So why is this post called "the sun will come out tomorrow". Because that is what my husband said to me last night when I was feeling mopey...and you know what, he was right, it has been a gorgeous day!
But, I guess people don't have to live up to my expectations - we all only have to live up to our own expectations.
So then the key is getting those expectations in line.
I have been working on that myself, one of my expectations of myself that I am working on is:
To be honest with others at all times, even if a "little white lie" would be easier - because each time I tell a harmless white lie it steals a little piece of my integrity. I wouldn't say this has been a serious problem in my past, nothing more than the next person. Just a little exageration of how busy I have been when I don't get back to someone (which results in a over explanation) or saying that I "didn't receive the bill" when in fact I did, but lost it (back in my disorganized days). Those things aren't necessarily changing the course of the world but they do take a little piece of my peace so I say NO MORE.
I have been working on this for a few months now, when I see myself starting to go down that path I stop, turn around and tell it like it really is "I didn't make it to the post office for the past 3 weeks, but I will send your package tomorrow" or "I can't find the bill you sent, can you please send me another" or "I apologize for not getting back to you" - no over explanations.
Positives - I have an very nice sense of peace when I make the choice to tell the truth and not over explain, no matter how it reflects on me. The simplicity of it all just feels so light.
Drawbacks - Yes, I have seen a drawback to this practice and it is that I am becoming less tolorent of others making dishonest excuses. Yesterday I got annoyed with my house painter who didn't show up (and apparently wanted to not show up today either) when he tried to tell me it was because there was rain in the forecast both yesterday and today - at the exact moment I was looking at the forcast which shows full sun straight through to Sunday. Once I called him out on that, he came clean that the issue is that he has another client who is angry and wants them to get started so he has been over there this week. Had he just been honest in the first place I would have - well, I think I would have said fine, I understand, come on Friday. But when he started out trying to tell me something that was obviously untrue it was an insult to me and made me question his sincerity in other matters and therefore insist that he make progress today.
What I learn from the drawback - Well, if it annoyed me when the painter did it to me, I am happy not to be doing it to others!
So why is this post called "the sun will come out tomorrow". Because that is what my husband said to me last night when I was feeling mopey...and you know what, he was right, it has been a gorgeous day!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Stalling on Sharing
So, my first post was May 20th and now it is July 20th and I am making my second post. I have been moving forward over the past 2 months, I have really made great progress but I just haven't shared my journey.
Why am I sharing now? Well, today I told my coach I want to journal but I have about 10 journals all blank. She suggested a blog - which I already have - and it just like my 10 journals is blank...well, until today.
Why was I stalling? I guess I didn't think I had much to share on a blog. I mean, why would anyone care to read what I have to say. As I put it to my coach "I am just struggling, plugging along, trying to make progress". Doesn't seem like anything enlightening to me.
What changed my mind? My coach made the comment that this may be exactly what may help people if they should come across my blog. The point is that I don't claim to have all the answers, but I am working on my life, I am making it happen day by day.
What if no one ever read my blog? Well, then that would be just fine because I would have fufilled my goal of journalling and receive the benefits of journalling just as I would if it were in one of the 10 blank journals I have at home which presumably no one would read.
What if someone reads my blog? If it helps them, great. If they think I am crazy or silly or find my thoughts useless and never come back, fine. If they know me and now have read my journal, well, hopefully they will still like me (if they don't then I am probably better off without them anyway) or maybe even like or understand me more.
Conclusion - what do I have to loose?
Nothing.
So, I guess I will try it out and see what happens!
More later.
Why am I sharing now? Well, today I told my coach I want to journal but I have about 10 journals all blank. She suggested a blog - which I already have - and it just like my 10 journals is blank...well, until today.
Why was I stalling? I guess I didn't think I had much to share on a blog. I mean, why would anyone care to read what I have to say. As I put it to my coach "I am just struggling, plugging along, trying to make progress". Doesn't seem like anything enlightening to me.
What changed my mind? My coach made the comment that this may be exactly what may help people if they should come across my blog. The point is that I don't claim to have all the answers, but I am working on my life, I am making it happen day by day.
What if no one ever read my blog? Well, then that would be just fine because I would have fufilled my goal of journalling and receive the benefits of journalling just as I would if it were in one of the 10 blank journals I have at home which presumably no one would read.
What if someone reads my blog? If it helps them, great. If they think I am crazy or silly or find my thoughts useless and never come back, fine. If they know me and now have read my journal, well, hopefully they will still like me (if they don't then I am probably better off without them anyway) or maybe even like or understand me more.
Conclusion - what do I have to loose?
Nothing.
So, I guess I will try it out and see what happens!
More later.
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